“It’s Just Training” — And So Was Everything Else

How one moment in uniform gave me permission to embrace the woman I was already becoming

There are seasons in life when you are so focused on becoming something that you forget to notice who you already are. You’re moving, producing, performing — checking every box in front of you — and somewhere in all of that forward motion, you lose the thread back to yourself.

I’ve been in that season. More than once.

But there was one moment that changed everything. And it came from the last place I expected

I had strategically planned motherhood. I knew what I wanted, I knew the timeline, and I executed it the way I execute everything — with intention. With that intention, I was abruptly reminded that God is in control. And nothing fully prepares you for the guilt that shows up when you’re a soldier and a new mother at the same time.

There was a major training exercise. The kind you don’t miss. The kind that signals commitment, readiness, presence. And I wasn’t there.

I carried that. The weight of feeling like I had let something slip — like being a mother had made me less of an officer and less of a Soldier. I went to my boss expecting professionalism. What I got was something that cracked me open.

He told me “it’s just training.”.

Can I be honest though, I wasn’t expecting that from him. Ten years in the Army at this point and I had witnessed women be treated like they were no longer a valuable member of the team, like they were a hinderance to the success of the unit.

Was it just me? Have you experienced that? Let’s talk about it!

Three words. And in those three words was something I hadn’t given myself — permission. Permission to be both. Permission to stop treating motherhood like a liability I had to compensate for. Permission to let one season of my life deepen who I was rather than disrupt it.

The Leadership Insight

Here’s what I’ve come to understand: every season you walk through is preparing you for the one ahead. The hard ones. The disorienting ones. The ones where you’re not sure which version of yourself to show up as.

They’re all training.

Becoming a mother didn’t make me less of a soldier. It made me a more empathetic leader. More than a decade in leadership and didn’t erase who I am — it revealed more of it. The seasons didn’t shake my foundation. They built it, layer by layer, into something I could actually stand on.

Embracing your authentic self isn’t a one-time decision. It’s something you return to again and again, each time with a little more clarity. Each season adds to what you know about yourself — what you can carry, what you refuse to put down, and what you were never meant to leave behind in the first place.

The women I work with often come to me in a season of questioning. Wondering if they can be ambitious and present. Wondering if their softness and their strength can exist in the same body. Wondering if who they are outside of their title still gets to matter.

It does. All of it does.

Action to Take Now

Think about a season you’ve already survived — one that felt like it was pulling you away from yourself.

Now ask: What did that season deposit in you that you’re still drawing from today?

Write it down. That’s not a detour from your story. That’s part of the foundation.

Questions I’m Asked Often

1. Can I really be a great mother and a strong leader at the same time?

• Yes- and not just at the same time, but because of each other. Motherhood didn’t diminish my leadership. It deepened it in ways nearly two decades of military service hadn’t. The two were never in competition.

2. What do I do when I feel guilty for choosing my career over my family, or my family over my career?

• Start by questioning whether that’s actually a choice you have to make. Most guilt comes from a standard someone else set. Ask whose voice is behind that guilt-and whether it was ever meant for you. A lot of the time, that feeling is a result of the projection of others and their insecurity.

Closing Reflection

My boss didn’t know he was giving me a gift that day. But those three words — it’s just training — gave me permission to stop apologizing for being whole.

You don’t have to choose between the woman you are and the leader you’re because you’re a mother. Join the community that was built for women who are ready to embrace both.